I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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