Christians are straight up FREAKS
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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