Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
