There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
being pregnant is like rehab
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
