I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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