I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
