I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
