someone threw a dead crab at me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
