it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
