Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's like God shit irony all over that family
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
