i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize