just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
