What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
