If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
