Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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