You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
