I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
