Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My bed smells like the plague
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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