so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
