Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
