CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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