I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Fuck appropriateness.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
