Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Randomize
