Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize