I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you had me at cake vodka
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
