"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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