I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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