She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
