dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
