Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
