how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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