hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
