How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Be still, my beating vagina.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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