I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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