we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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