i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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