Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
