some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
