You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Randomize
