was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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