It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
