just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
