oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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