we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
