You can't motorboat a personality
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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