Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
