bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
They have beer where we have blood.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
