i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize