Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
