I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
