If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
