so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
