my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will pee on everything he values.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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