WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
