that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
