I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need to calm my uterus...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize