atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
