Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
