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Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
