They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
