is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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