dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
