my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
