I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
