If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
