Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
