dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
