She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
