I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
