i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
