well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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