Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
