I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
