I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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