This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
