I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
