I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize